Tattoos

Tamara and I have known one another since the 8th grade. Aside from family members or friends of my parents’, I don’t think I’ve known anyone else quite as long as I’ve known her. Over the course of the last 15 years we have had moments where we’ve been close, and moments when we’ve been farther apart. (Geographically and emotionally.) Yet somehow we just keep hanging on to one another. She is still the person I turn to for most advice and someone I count on to “know me” even when I have a hard time knowing myself.

When my husband’s brother moved to the Lower Mainland not too long ago, I thought to myself, “Now there’s a match destined to be made.” Jerred is a man’s man with a heart of gold and all he wanted was a beautiful, hilarious lady to come into his life willing to pick up his messes and cook for him. In return he’d treat her like a queen. Who doesn’t want one of their best friends on the face of the planet to be treated like she’s made of solid gold? Isn’t that our wish for all of our friends in their relationships? That they might feel valued and respected and loved unconditionally? I had a very strong feeling that if introduced, these two would spend an infinite amount of time attempting to do just that for one another. The other thing they have in common is an unfailing loyalty to those they love, and a generosity that can’t be equaled.

I thought it was such a good idea that I brought it up to Tamara, in a post-partum sweat, and couldn’t wait to hear what she thought of the idea.

She wanted to meet him.

*arm pump*

You can read the rest on their WEDDING BLOG! *explode*

This isn’t so much about them, but about her. She has been an incredible friend to me for so long, and I was thrilled when she approached me about a tattoo idea she had. I LOVE tattoos and would be covered from head to toe if my darling husband wasn’t so iffy about them. BUT…Tamara proposed a small, inconspicuous matching tattoo that I fell in love with, and once it was husband approved I made an appointment for us.

We went with anchors.

“The anchor tattoo has become a symbol of stability and a strong foundation. It is also a symbol of hope.” 

Tamara and I have been steadfast in our friendship with one another, never forgetting how far we’ve come and how much love, sweat and tears have gone into our relationship. Now that she will be my sister-in-law on paper, matching tattoos was the next logical step.

I love this lady a lot.

 

“As the waves crash over and over
You are my anchor
Every gale I meet
The plight of the seas can’t separate me.”

This is my 6th tattoo, and I find that they are only becoming more meaningful over time. <3

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day 2013 was amazing.

At midnight Cale presented me with a beautiful, thoughtful card, a gift card hidden inside of it that I cannot wait to use. Then it was time for me to cozy into the covers and relax with Pinterest and Android games on my phone with Lux snuggled up next to me while he was off to make breakfast. When I finally dragged myself and our delightful baby out of bed we joined Nova on the couch for the tail end of Bubble Guppies and cute cuddles.

Playtime, playtime, playtime.

Naps.

After naps, it was time to go to Miss Hanna P.’s 4th birthday party. My inner child had been excited for weeks. I was not at ALL disappointed. At most family gatherings and backyard barbecues, I am the weirdo hanging out with all the kids, listening to their crazy, made up stories, asking them questions about their days, playing with their toys, and hoping to form a very non-creepy but dancing along that line relationship with these little marvels. FINALLY…I was going to a child’s birthday party. (Something having children of my own has finally given me full license to do.)

Hanna is my friend Taryn‘s daughter. Taryn and I went to high school together. In fact, Taryn was my platonic prom date. I thought that I would have more fun with her than any of the super lame, gross boys we went to school with. I was 100% right. Taryn is the kind of friend that you desperately want to have. She’s kind, loving, soft-spoken, beautiful, and so open minded and accepting that it is difficult to do wrong by her. She will excuse even the most abhorrent of behavior and put an incredibly gentle twist on it, forgiving them with an understanding tilt of her head and some beautiful turn of phrase. Taryn makes me feel loved.

Although outwardly we seem so different, inwardly our lives have been running on a bizarre parallel and our paths seem to cross no matter what stage of life we’re in. Running into her in parks near where we grew up, finding her standing on my door step after I moved out, spending summers climbing trees and hanging out in kiddie pools, and then, the text, “Call me!!!”

I admit, I put off calling. I was about to get on the skytrain, it had been a long day, I was tired, I’m not good at talking on the phone on a good day. I called a few days later when I guiltily remembered that I hadn’t.

“I’m pregnant!!!”

There are no words to describe the absolute, unbridled JOY I felt for Taryn. I know how much love she has inside of her and I was sending up a silent ‘Thank you’ to whomever was listening that some lucky little baby was going to have her as a Mom. And from what she’d told me, Syx was going to be an incredible father. It’s tough to say if I’ve ever seen a couple more perfectly suited for one another than these two. They continuously amaze me and inspire me with their relationship and the relationship they have with their children.

I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful friend, and so privileged that it’s not one sided. She likes me too!!! I hope that I am able to be a part of her and her family’s lives for many, many wonderful years to come.

Hanna’s party was incredible. There was pin the cutie mark on the pony, a delightful array of food, delicious ice cream cake, and delectable babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers all over the place!!! I got to see the beautiful Phanie, who never ceases to amaze me with her honest, incredible blogging and parenting,  amazing, ring pop kisses on the cheek from Moses, played Peek-a-boo with Chloe, rubbed noses with Armenie, met Jackie’s beautiful, chubby little baby, who is just a week apart from Lux, and the birthday girl even wanted to sit with ME at the end of the day, which let’s face it, made my year. That’s a pretty special moment, yáll. It was a perfect afternoon.

Nova, in her princess party outfit, found a toy on wheels she liked and sticky fingered it into our car! (Not to worry, we were about to return it when it was graciously gifted to us. Ha!) Every time I see it I am reminded of what an awesome day we had.

And it only got better!

After the party we headed over to Cale’s Dad’s for tacos! I was honored when they asked ME to choose the menu! They were delicious, as usual, and I was absolutely touched and delighted by a giant bag full of goodies! Chocolates, tabloids and a pair of very sweet earrings that had been picked out for my graduation from Library Sciences. Since I’m not longer pursuing a literary avenue, I got them for mother’s day. Two adorable book earrings. I just love them and the thoughtful lady they came from.

Nova was being extra charming, playing with her toys, eating like a champ, and lying on the floor to watch The Fox and the Hound. She was so tired but really putting on a brave face for us. I just love her.

Then it was time to head home for a foot rub and some mindless tv for Mom. We just got into Suburgatory and I have to say, I’m loving it.

I’m sure that the gushy Mom posts are only going to get worse as we get closer to Nova’s second birthday, so you’ll have to forgive me for my emotions and bleeding heart when I say that I have been waiting my entire life to be a Mom, and I’m finding it to be the greatest experience of my life. Better than skydiving, or traveling, or the best book I’ve ever read. These beauties fill my heart and my life in a way I never even imagined was possible, and I thought it would be a lot. It’s not always easy, or fun, or even all that good. Sometimes I cry, and scream into a pillow, and curse my own body, and wonder what the hell I was thinking, and then I see their sweet faces and I can’t imagine not looking into their eyes every single day, or pressing my lips into their soft palms, or wiping away their crocodile tears.

They make it worth it, every time, and I’m so grateful and happy that I get to share this journey, and these emotions with other Mom’s and anyone who loves ANYONE or ANYTHING with their whole heart. It’s not easy to go outside of yourself and be thinking about the needs of another living thing to an infinite degree but these amazing men and women do it every single day, and they do it unquestioningly, because it’s unfathomable not to.

So here’s to all of you. Thank you for inspiring me and showing me how to be the best Mother I can be, and for supporting me on the days I feel like I can’t be.

<3

Nova – 22 Months

Nova’s second birthday is fast approaching. To say I’m not ready would be a gross understatement. I’m finding that I’m desperately in love with her little personality, complete with the attitude she’s developing. The “Hey” she throws out when she wants me to pay attention to something she’s doing, and the tilt of her head while she’s trying to figure out the best way to play me just make me want to hold her tighter, even while I can feel her slipping away from me, slowly but surely. Exploring the independence we try hard to give her, hoping that when she’s done adventuring she’ll come back for a snuggle.

The persistence is paying off and we are being rewarded with late night snuggles. She climbed up next to me on the couch the other day and laid her head in my lap, waiting for me to play with her hair.

 

 

I love her little curly hair and her big blue eyes. Her soft little hands and feet and her sticky fingers. I’m excited by every new word she learns and every time she chooses to try and express herself verbally instead of physically, although tantrums still happen, she’s winning her own personal battle with them and learning how to get the things she wants in other ways. She’s also learning important lessons about boundaries and limitations. Ours, and other adults.

 

Other children’s personal space, however, is an ongoing process.

Lately she’s been helping us give her little sister her bottle, and sometimes even settling in for 5-10 minutes of morning snuggles in Mom and Dad’s bed. I seriously considered setting up a television in our bedroom just to maximize the time I can spend with her just staying still. Trying to permanently imprint these quiet moments into my brain and hoping that I will never forget them.

 

 

I find her to be endlessly fascinating and frustrating and lovable and infuriating. I know that our relationship is about to change in a big way as her vocabulary adapts and she learns how to use words to manipulate a situation, and discovers that they can cause just as much hurt as happiness. I hope that our home will provide her with a safe avenue to make these discoveries, and that our parenting will help her make the right choice, when it comes down to it.

 

In some ways, she’s still so small, and in others, I find her to be much too big.

 

 

Your first born really does a number on you, eh?

Lux – 4 Months

Aside from the lack of sleep, it’s pretty great having a baby in the house. What better reminder to slow down and just enjoy whatever moment you happen to be in? Lying on the floor smiling into her adorable little face is one of the highlights of my day. Her chubby cheeks and dimpled elbows make me want to lie in bed squishing her soft little body for hours…not that she’d let me.

Lux is a little power house! She’s rolling both ways and grasping at her feet as if to say, “Hey! I see you there!” She’s a tough cookie to crack when it comes to laughter but she gives out smiles like free candy at an Easter Parade! She doesn’t take her eyes off of big sis for even a second when they’re in the same room together and visions of her trailing after Nova, wanting desperately to be included in her amazing, inspiring view of the world remind me of my OWN younger sister trailing after ME. I hope that Nova will let her in and that they will be able to share in many amazing experiences together. I know that I’m glad my parents regularly forced me to bring Chantelle along, even if it was sometimes against my own wishes. I’m grateful that now she and I are wonderful friends. And my heart swells a little every time I see her name on our call display.

Lux has such a vast array of expressions! I fear that like her Sagittarius Mama, her emotions will always be evident on the surface of her face. Raised eyebrows, pursed lips, the corners of our eyes crinkling when we find something particularly amusing. I hope she has a deep belly laugh that bursts out of her often. I think she will be funny.

While she continues to grow in great leaps and bounds and the number on the scale increases we’re helping her sit up, hang on to her favorite toys, and indulging her when she tires of sitting in the multitude of children’s seats available in our tiny home. I won’t lie. I’m happy to hold her close any chance I can, and I’m happy that she would gladly sit with her back against my chest for hours if I didn’t have other things to do.

Fantasies of my two girls playing together, fighting with each other, and learning together are never far from my thoughts and I cannot wait to see what sort of relationship develops between them. I have such a different relationship with both of my siblings but each is full of love and laughter and the occasional misunderstanding. I’m so glad that I have two people I can share my upbringing with! We can laugh about our parents idiosyncrasies and come together in moments of hardship. I love the ways in which we are similar and that in spite of growing up in the same house we are still very different people.

Copyright Tamara Lakeman Photography.

I hope that my kids will be glad that they have siblings, because quite frankly, they’re stuck with each other now!

Nova – 21 Months

Nova is continuously amazing and astounding us. Cale and I often stare at one another in complete bewilderment as she masters another skill, learns another word, climbs onto another previously insurmountable piece of furniture. The rate at which she is learning and growing and adapting is incredible to behold. I can’t believe she used to be so small and helpless and now she shakes her head at my offers of help and has an incredible determination to do things on her own that makes me proud and a little afraid at the same time.

I’m getting very excited planning her second birthday party, which she will no doubt ignore completely in favor of hitting the slide/swings/sand at the park. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Ha. We’re discovering more and more things that she enjoys that give us 10 or sometimes even 20 whole minutes to put her baby sister to bed, make lunch or just so that I can run a brush through my hair. (A process in and of itself, oye.)

Our house looks like children’s books, pop-up circus tents, tiny pink socks littering the floor, little finger prints smudging the hardwood, cupboards and mirrors, plastic figurines and electronic pianos.

Caught mid-sneeze. LOL!

It sounds like screams and laughter and the “thump-thump-thump” of little toddler feet running up and down and up and down and up and down. Head bonks and hugs. Kisses and a sweet little voice saying, “Ow.” “Cat, yeah, cat!” “Mom, yeah, Mom!” “Bubba Gup, yeah, Mom!”

When Nova was born I couldn’t believe that my heart could stretch as much as my swollen belly, fingers and feet already had, but I amazed myself when I discovered that I had stretch marks there as well as littering my body. I find that with each new thing she does or says it stretches even farther, and I imagine that it will only keep on growing as I find the room to include my amazement at her sister’s achievements as well.

I’m reading so many blogs written by so many Mom’s, each with their own take on motherhood and parenting. Each with a different philosophy in how to attack problems, distract toddlers, and make time to take care of themselves. I’m learning so much and feeling so connected in a way I never thought possible before. I’ve noticed, however, that the general consensus is that becoming a Mother changes you forever, inside and out, and you will never, ever be the same. I find that though I think fondly on the girl/woman I was before I had Nova I don’t miss her at all. I feel like my life has an incredible purpose completely outside of myself and it motivates me constantly to be a bigger, better, smarter, faster, more streamlined version of me. I’m grateful to my children every day for the opportunity to be MORE for their sake and for mine.

I live in a constant state of amusement and amazement. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

 

Pretty in Pink

One of the advantages to being almost related to an amazing professional photographer (Tamara Lakeman Photography) is that sometimes she leaves her props at our house, and sometimes she sends me a text saying, “Feel free to use anything there in some photos with Lux!”

So that’s exactly what I did!

With a little help from my husband, every lamp we own, and a chubby baby we achieved some cute results! Nothing special, but definitely a couple of goodies for the ol’ scrapbook.

Thanks Auntie T!!!

Being so patient while I get everything set up.

I mean seriously…

This is how she says, “I love you Auntie!”

Her expressions kill me…for reals.

A Day At Home

I so treasure the days I have at home with my family. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the sort of person who likes to sit around a lot and stagnate, but that sometimes makes the days when we have NOTHING on our social calendar that much more enjoyable.

 

We took advantage of a day just like that recently, and managed to squeeze in a little sunshine while we were at it!

Nova is becoming such a big fan of talking on the phone. She used to just rip it out of our hands, hold it to her head, say, “Hi.” then throw the phone to the ground when anyone spoke on the other end. “What is this sorcery?!?!?” Now she has a much better grasp of the technology. I usually call her in the morning on the days I work and she’s getting very good at saying, “Hi Mom.” Followed by incoherent toddler babble about what she is going to/has already done with her day. It’s one of the highlights of mine.

The best part about a sunny day at home is that we get to go to the park! Cale is much more rowdy with our girls than I am and it is so fun watching him chase Nova around on the play ground. I find myself often just finding a bench and watching them while Lux sleeps so that I can take it all in. Maybe if I can find a way to eliminate blinking I will remember these moments forever.

 

The park, phone calls, long walks. These are a few of our favorite things. Interspersed, of course, with episodes of Bubble Guppies, general mess making and tower building.

It doesn’t get any better than this, folks.